Thursday, July 30, 2020

I wanna fallin (again)

Hold your breath!

Cause today, I wanna tell about lovey-dovey-story. But, dude-, first thing first, I am not into fallin in love with someone else. Its not yet. End of July 30th and I didnt open my heart for somebody else. It will be upsetting, seriously. 

I would be.

For all my bucket list what should I wanna write on this blog, this topic is not appeared. Not even mention about this. However, all things exist have their background. 

Actually, I dreamed about going to beach. Rahma and I just go to beach as though as my house to beach just 10 minute. But, well you didnt even believe on your dreams right? Cause its just dream.

So here I am, with this story about love in the middle of daydreaming. Specifically, about one side love. On my perspective. The story will be started with the last guy whoever I liked it. 

dreaming sea
I wanna fallin (again)

Literally, my mind contemplates for many things which is make me think so hard. We talked about destiny, for sure. My mom unrelenting to persuade about marriage. Because this is "the right time" for all the lady as same my age to think about committed relationship. And push me up to think so seriously. 

The romanticism story begin with question. How we meet. Who is he. And where does he exist before. Etc! 

I dont know that he existed in the earth. Haha, cause this is the first time that I meet somebody like him before. This is for somebody who actually existed on city crowd right now. There are all these miles between us. Somebody who I liked at past time. Maybe, I have crush for the first time we meet, I dont know how this feeling started.

So, this story will be "the things" a lot for me. 

I met him when we wanted to go to west city by the train. The train leaves at night. Meet strangers and talked about "haha-hihi" for greetings. And now, they are be my friends.

Specifically, we (my strangers friend and I) knew that there are another stranger (again) who will be our friend's in the same train. So, what I wanna go to do at the moment? Curious? Yes, I am. But, my back hurts because cramps sitting on the train. 

Its just one moment, firstly, I met him. Like the spinning time, we are not close anymore because its fated. Destiny not bring us together for that moment.

But, I have some the moment (thanks for quarter of second aka. mak nyut), when we are sitting on the bus and then we have a chat. We are both busy for how to breakfast (at the moment) properly. Indeed, the bus is driving like dingle-dangle. Just knew that our conversation mentions about how to be like javanese and being proud of this part.Yes, in fact we talked about being medok. And its okay for somebody menjadi medok.

He alone and so do I. So yeah. A little bit conversation, indeed we are same region that feels like we are close. Connecting with him feels like we can open to each other in the other way. Feels warm and cold, basically what I feels knowing him. 

First meeting, I am on the right time. Cause his birthday is last day our event (officially). And, he got a  gift. There are apple and chocolate. And then, the event is over and we're going back home. We are not awkward anymore. While on train, he borrowed my sleeping pillow. 

Thats it. 

Again! We met again for short scholarship. Hm, maybe I dont really care that much. As possible, I acted like normal people. Just chat, eat together, and endure a lot of things (because we have a lot of friends at the moment). It means like nothing happened with my feeling. Cause at the momentum, I just lost that feeling. I dont know why. Maybe he is not attractive anymore, and just bored. Haha!

I wanna declare something. I am, the most aggressive person among others. Like, I pushed up to ask him for breakfast together (example).Or I tried for offering to do something like climbing tree to take some fruit. It too insufferable on my eyes to see how not enthusiasm he is. His character like doesnt have desire to attract other people. You can imagine that?

our breakable breakfast

I do not rely on to other guys who accompany me at the same time. We (all friends here) like just have each business. Indeed, we are on the moment to try the best we can do to get best score. All of these guys committed it. 

Relaxing time, we go to the mount. Actually, I have a moment when he talked like everything whats the world going on. Suddenly, talked about her grandparents who is Hindu priest. I am speechless, and shouted :  Wow! I cant imagine how open he is to me. 

The wheels turn, turn, but no good solution come to mind. At least whether my feeling still persist. And last year like my whole contravention works on it. First, I sent a massage. Just chit chat. Only, twice for a year. This year doing the same thing again. Chat just third time in this year. So until now, just fifth chat. Meanwhile, the fifth chat talked about his friend who looked for a english course. 

And now I trapped on the shrugged moment. Really. Its means more. Not just give up. Just at the moment, you dont know whats going on after this. Whats feeling waiting for. Overwhelmed for not doing something again. I have a privilege that I have accessed to send a message again. But, why? For sure, I am not capable doing like trash.

Every single step about what are you doing have an excuse. The meaning. The goal. Or what ever you wanna say that. And, my alter ego makes question to me, why you are not doing that? Are you afraid? No. I just have an excuse doing it again. Not until I prepared feeling for "this is a right time". 

I just feeling relieved that its over. I mean, my feeling. Like bird fly to the sky and go away. Seriously,  I wanna fallin in love again. The right man on the right time. I hope. Soon! 

This bird reflected my feeling!

my mom going crazy right now cause tomorrow is Ied Adha.

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